I decided to make a new blog, not about my business, but about me, about what is and has been going on behind the fake smile for so many many months, years really... I will come here to talk about my pain, to ponder my questions, doubting anyone will read this, as its more of just an online journal for myself. Its my record of how I am coping, surviving the grief, but not yet living still, even after almost 4 and a half years. It will be my place to record my thoughts some that will eventually go into that book I cant seem to finish writing, and some that wont. Probably more words here than not will NOT go in my book, after all its one of inspiration and right now it cant be written as I don't feel very inspirational.
I have just moved across the country, spending my last dime and then some, in hopes to start a new life, move forward, find some peace. Instead so far, I have hurt inside and cried more than I have in a very long time. Maybe this is the beginning of how I heal, tearing off the scab, opening the wound, but then treating it before letting it permanently heal. So far I think all I have done is put a band aid over a huge hole and it just couldn't contain it any longer.
I am tired tonight so I wont write any more, but I wanted to get something started so I had a place to go to be "me", not the person everyone seems to think I am. because from where I sit, they seem to be very different.
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